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Brian Bogert: EMBRACE THE PAIN TO AVOID THE SUFFERING

This episode is extra special because many of my guests, as I’ve shared with you, you might’ve experienced this during COVID, you haven’t met yet.Some of the guests I’ve never had the pleasure to meet, but Brian came through Nashville. I had to make a 45- to 50-minute drive, so I was going to be there. Brian came in to speak at a conference that I was a part of with Ken Joslin, his team and Coach Burt. You’re in for a treat because not only did I get to meet Brian, I’ve been following what he’s doing on social.  

He’s an amazing dad, been in Forbes and done all these things. He checks all the boxes but what I’m most excited to unpack for all of us is we’re all looking to tap into our potential. Who are we, and what can we do in this one life that we were given? What you’re going to take away is not only Brian’s story that you’re going to have some encouragement and inspiration there, but you’re also going to learn how to tap into your own unique, God-given gifts and superpowers that you possess. I’m excited, Brian. Officially, welcome to the show, my friend. 

Pain cannot be measured independent of the person experiencing it. However, it is a universal human experience. Click To Tweet

I’m so happy to be here. This has been bumped and rescheduled. What that told me is the universe wasn’t ready for what we’re about to bring in terms of value for everybody. I’m excited to be here. Now that you’re through your recovery, we’re going to bring some fire. I’m super psyched. I’ve been looking forward to this for a while. 

It speaks to the fact that I was consuming so much of your content, getting to know you and we were engaging with each other’s content. I feel like not only can you build relationships and meet new people but you can learn a lot about yourself. I want to start there. Your journey is pretty cool and unique. People may not know all of your stories but I’m going to take from where we are then I’ll back into some of the other stuff. What’s been attracting me to a lot of things you’ve been sharing is you’re one of the most real and the words thrown around, authentic, vulnerable and all these cool adjective words. Here’s what I know. The Brian you see on social is the Brian you get when you meet him in person. He’s cooler in person. The energy you bring, there’s something to that. I’d love for you to unpack how you’ve discovered who you are and you’re deploying that out because that’s very cool and real. I love spending time with you because of the energy that we share is I’m feeling like I can go run through a brick wall. 

That’s a two-way street. We were consuming each other’s content, had gotten connected and conversations. Thank you for everything you said because that to me is the greatest endorsement for how I live. It’s that who I am in person is exactly who you see online. What’s ironic about that statement is when I first started, if you go back and you look at some early Bogert’s Bullets, they were good but they aren’t like they are now. They weren’t 100% me. They have fabricated energy because I wasn’t used to be in front of my camera and creating content. I didn’t quite know how to represent myself online. I was good in person. 

Forty-five episodes in or so, some of my friends, people who’d seen me speak live, met me or clients that I was coaching at the time were like, “Brian, we were mean to tell you this. Bogert’s Bullets is good, but.” I was like, “But what?” I don’t know where this is going. They were like, “It’s not the same. You are marked better in person.” I’m not talking about how good I am. I’m talking about the difference between online versus in-person. They saw a marked difference in the quality of how I was delivering the message and the energy that I was delivering. The authenticity of who I was on a stream wasn’t being the same as in person. For you to sit here years later after I took a pause from Bogert’s Bullets for a little while and say, “Who you see is who you get. You might even be a little cooler in person,” is a huge endorsement. Thank you. 

I’m going to tell you a little bit about my journey. We’re going to reverse engineer it but for me getting to the root of who I am has been a journey for a long time in my life. I’ve continued to shed more layers that allow me to get closer and closer to the core. I’m going to tell you how it typically works for us, some of the things I’ve been through and then we’ll get all the way back to it. What we know is that we are born as the brightest, most authentic burning light we will probably ever be. You’ve got kids. They come out there. They’re raw. What you see is what you get. It’s there, authentic and infectious.  

When you say like, “The authenticity you put out is infectious. It leaves me energized.” That’s how kids leave us all feel and then what happens? It’s because of the authenticity, rawness and energy that’s there. Every day I’m reminded of that with my kids. Parents, teachers, employers and coaches start layering on all these narratives. “You should do this or that. You should be this or that. You should chase this or that amount of success. You should drive this car. You shouldn’t drive that car. You should dress and look this way. You shouldn’t look and dress this way.” 

All these shoulds start creating this box that puts us into this funnel. All of a sudden, we fit the definition of what the world wants us to be but we’ve also lost who we are. The core of getting back to who we are is about shedding those layers. What we know is that should in and of itself is a shame-based word because it implies that whatever you’re doing isn’t good enough. When we hear all these shoulds repeatedly, it helps us change who we are but it does so in a way that who we are is still at the core. 

We’ve put up all this armor around us to protect against that bushiness inside of us who we are because what we’ve been told our whole lives of who we are isn’t good enough. These are things that I’ve learned through my own experience. Shame is something that I dealt with deeply. I didn’t realize it until my late 20s or early 30s. The reason I couldn’t identify it and this was a core part of me getting to where I am was understanding that emotion and the emotional triggers that were a by-product of it, the behavioral patterns, environmental conditioning that it took and how it was impacting my life. 

I didn’t know shame was there because most people say, “I’m not good enough and not worthy.” That wasn’t my talk track, although I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have moments there but my talk track is what Brené Brown outlined. “When you shut that down, you show up in the arena and you’re ready to go to battle. Who do you think you are?” Everything major I ever did in my life I felt the need to apologize for. I’m loud, talk fast and have giant energy. Do you know how often in my life I’ve been told, “You should be a little more quiet, talk a little more slowly and change your energy because it’s going to intimidate people?” I bought into that. I was like, “I guess I’m too big for people.”  

BCS 47 Brian Bogert | Embrace The Pain

Conversations With Covey: 11 Powerful, Inspirational, and Hope-Filled Lessons from Today’s Biggest Leaders

I ratcheted myself back not in actions but in behaviors, thought processes, relationships and all these things. It was to fit what I thought the world was going to accept versus what I knew I was truly capable of. Shame for me was a big piece in unpacking to get back to the core of who I am. I know through this discussion, we’re going to unpack a bunch more. One of the pivotal turning moments for me was when I started to understand and became aware that I had shame. I could have ownership over the fact that I had shame and created patterns that kept it in my life. I was able to unroot that shame then move through it. 

I recognized this as I’ve gone down my own journey is that awareness of, “Who I am and who I was created to be?” I love how you talk about there’s a visual of shedding those layers. For anybody reading out there, this should be that real catalyst for you. Shedding the layers gets you to who you are true to yourself. Brian, I love how you have this awareness of it but now you’re acting in that. You’re staying true to who you are because if you look for a lot of our life, it’s like the old saying that we buy things to impress people that we don’t like. 

You go, “Why not change?” You mentioned shame. That’s important because what I love about all these shows, and you do these as well is everybody’s probably going to pick up like I did. A little bit of your story, I have the same story. They intersect and overlap, so I can relate. I love how you’ve moved forward because for anybody reading, how do you take that next step forward? Where you are in your journey isn’t where Brian is or where I might be now but we’ve all gone through it. As a coach, I would love to get your input because the psychology thing, we could nerd out on human behavior. You talk about embracing the pain to avoid suffering. That one resonated. I’d love to talk about that because I do think that part of the journey that will intersect with this is many people aren’t willing to endure pain but yet then we fall into this land of suffering. Mental health is a real thing. Let’s talk about. 

I’m going to hit it at a super high level then if we want to go further, we can but it’ll give enough context. It’s important to first start by defining pain and suffering. Many people read pain and suffering and our immediate reaction is to pull back and be like, “I don’t want to talk about pain and suffering. That’s horrible. Who are you bringing on this show? We don’t want to talk about this.” The reality of it is the world tells us to reduce, eliminate or avoid pain. It’s the narrative that we are constantly facing every day. Look at pain pill, prescription medications and all the numbing tactics that exist in our world. That’s to reduce, eliminate or avoid pain because what we know is that pain is guaranteed. Pain cannot be measured independent of the person experiencing it but what we know is that it’s a universal human experience. We are all guaranteed we are going to experience pain. This narrative is a result of the natural evolutionary response for survival. Back years ago, if you scratched your leg on the wrong thing, you could die.  

Pain points at what’s important, which is what we learned. Back in the day, pain meant, “I could die.” Now the pain is like, “That’s a little bit uncomfortable. I don’t want to do that.” We need to understand pain and suffering. Pain is defined as short-term, intermittent, a direct cause from something and alleviated once that direct cause is removed. We, as human beings, do what we always do and screwed up by putting further definitions around it. We put adjectives in front of the word like acute and chronic. Acute maintains the definition. Chronic inherently changes it because it implies that it’s no longer short-term and it persists after that direct cause is removed. Let’s stop calling that chronic pain and let’s call that what it is. It’s suffering. We don’t want to admit that suffering exists in our lives, particularly when it’s a direct result of our choices, whereas pain gets lots of attention because we feel it, real-time and right there. Suffering creeps up on us. Often, we adapt to it until sometimes the effects are irreversible. Think about that. 

What’s this concept? I’ll break it down simply. We can embrace the pain of hitting a gym for 30 minutes a day to avoid the suffering of aches and pains of a sedentary lifestyle. We can embrace the pain of a difficult conversation with a loved one or spouse to avoid the suffering of a loveless marriage that’s going to end in divorce or being stuck in a marriage when we want a divorce. We can embrace the pain and the fit our kids are sure to throw by having him put down their mobile devices at the dinner table to avoid the suffering of years of lost, meaningful connection and conversation that we’ll never get back. As business owners, we can embrace the pain of firing our top salesperson contributing the most, the top-line growth to avoid the suffering of stagnant growth and losing all other top talents because they were the greatest cancer in our culture. The list goes on. You can apply this to anything in your life, personal, professional and financial. This idea of embracing pain to avoid suffering is there. I believe that we all must choose our pain or our suffering will choose us. 

People must choose their pain, or else suffering will choose them.  Click To Tweet

I’ll go back to the Stephen Covey piece of the whole person and I believe all those areas are interconnected. It’s hard to have your physical health and not have your spiritual health, financial health and relationships. You have those that are always evolving and connected. Let’s talk about that because what you shared is impactful. What does that mean? In your life, you’ve probably experienced it. I’m thinking of that when you said it. I’m like, “I’ve probably done both honestly.”  

If you’re vigilantly aware in every moment you’re going to do both. It’s how we operate. I’m going to give a real-time example. This is the first time that I’ve talked about this as publicly as I’m going to and particularly on a live show but I’m going to do it. March 3rd, 4th and 5th were in the best place in my marriage I’d ever been in years. That’s the relationship, most connected, most aware and understanding everything that’s going on. My wife would have said the exact same thing, and it would have been true. March 6th, which happened to be the exact same day that my son was the same age to the day as I was with my story that we’re going to unpack it a little bit which is super ironic how that happened. We started to unpack some things in our relationship. By April 5th, I didn’t know if I was going to be married another month or by the end of the year. 

We, as great communicators and connectors with a very strong relationship who are committed to constantly evolving each other still there were certain things that weren’t said as clearly as possible. A lot of suffering in our world comes from what’s left unsaid or things that people don’t have words for. Therefore, it never gets said. My wife had told me things repeatedly in our marriage and many of them had evolved, changed and had to happen through. There was some stuff that took place early in our marriage years ago that we worked through. By that time, they’re not relevant or present in our marriage now but they seeded an emotional trigger and created behavioral patterns and an environment that we both lived into. All of a sudden, we’re in this position where I’m committing my life to helping people discover and be who they are. My wife told me that some of the control and temper that I had early in our relationship caused patterns that contributed to her losing her who she is. 

Talking about embracing pain to avoid suffering. I had to embrace the pain of accepting and acknowledging that was her truth. I had to understand, be aware and recognize that there were a lot of those things that truthfully were not my fault. They were conditioned into me but they were absolutely my responsibility. There were things that I didn’t realize had created a deeper level of damage than I ever understood despite repeated attempts to tell me. Fast forward a little bit. I owned it and apologized. We talked and started committing. More conversations led to the fact that I had an a-ha moment in my life. I didn’t realize that I’d been angry for a long time. I’m talking to anger so deep I didn’t even know it was there. It could barely be excavated but it became very clear to me. 

In that moment, if you combine my big personality, strong energy, temper and control that had existed in a prior life and you layer anger on top of it and all of a sudden, you recognize that the damage is hopefully repairable but it’s deeper than I thought it was before. Immediately, I have to lean, own and embrace the pain of realizing that, “This is a critical moment. What I do in this exact moment, I can react or respond.” Responding means I had to own that it was a truth and it impacted our marriage. What’s most important to me in this world are my wife and my kids.  

Nothing else matters. The mission to impact a billion lives by 2045 does not matter unless my wife and kids are good. Suffering to me is a life without them in it on a regular, consistent basis and in my household. Everything I’ve ever wanted is right in front of me, yet I had done things a long time ago and still had an edge about me because of the anger. It wasn’t all historic. There was an edge sometimes that I would carry myself with that would trigger my wife, even if I didn’t blow up, yell or try to control because I embedded that so deeply years ago.  

It is my fault and responsibility. I had to embrace the pain of leaning into this truth, owning my reality. Telling my wife in that moment that the manifestation and negative impact of anger will no longer impact our household as a result of me and to be able to shut that off in that moment, not shut it off but to feel and understand it and not allow the reaction of it to impact my wife and kids. I had to embrace the pain of literally flipping my life upside down in real-time to avoid the suffering of a life without the three people I care most about in it.  

Thank you for sharing that because too often, these are the stories that don’t get shared that help not only you and your family heal but somebody else out there. I know a lot of men, myself included that temper and anger are real things. The resentment builds. I’ll never forget a men’s retreat several years ago and I had a coach that we had gone away. I remember this dark warrior that most men have that they are trying to balance. You’re trying to balance an entrepreneur life, building a business then you’ve got your wife and kids. 

Men don’t realize the tunnel that they have to go through like you’ve done and explained to learn who you are at your core to understand these patterns and behaviors that exist. They are so deep for some people. They can’t even get to them because of the surface level that we’re trained to only acknowledge and share with others who don’t even know who they are. It was similar that you had this a-ha moment of we are writing our eulogy and we share that passion for our kids, family and spouses. It’s our statement. Anybody reading about this knows that is real , but until you confront it and address it, that suffering you described only grows.  

You talked about this idea of getting unstuck and that’s a big thing I talk about. Most people think they’re stuck because they have the wrong strategy or tactics in their life. By the way, strategy and tactics are unbelievably important. You need them in your life and have those in place but that’s not what keeps people stuck. Strategy and tactics will only get you so far. What we see so often is there are highly successful people, crazy high performers that repeat the same patterns in their life. They change the strategy and tactics but those patterns are in repeat. What keeps people stuck is a combination of emotional triggers, behavioral patterns and environmental conditioning. That’s where I go heavy in my work with people because when people come to me and they’re like, “I’m feeling stuck. I don’t know who I am. I’m feeling stymied in my efforts to fill my potential. There’s something more. I’m not happy, feeling joy, freedom and fulfillment.” 

BCS 47 Brian Bogert | Embrace The Pain

Embrace The Pain: A lot of suffering in the world comes from what’s left unsaid or things that people don’t have words for.

 

It also happens in most cases and they’re like, “I want to grow my business, improve my relationships, health and be great on all fronts.” The route to improve all of those three things is the same. Strategy and tactics in each one of those categories are going to look different. Shame impacted my marriage, business and relationships with my family and friends. Anger has done the same thing. I was blind to it. The reality is I can give you ten different examples right now of other people who had an emotional trigger that was ingrained in them which causes reactions versus the ability to respond. We have to change the narrative around here because the reality of it is this that’s what’s keeping people from preventing and having the connection that they want because the glue that binds human connection is vulnerability and authenticity. 

We can talk about that and unpacked it in our financial lives. Both of us come from that financial world and understand that. What I tell people all the time is, “I can teach you tactics on how to save money, budget and all these things that are valuable but until you get your mind right about your relationship with money and finance in these areas, you’re going to default back to how you’re wired and you’re going to have this very unhealthy relationship with money.” It’s the same as we go through.  

We talk about getting your mind right and mindset all the time. It’s critically important but it’s only half the equation. I used to have that belief. “If I get my mind right, if it’s mental toughness and focus, I can do all these things. If my mindset is right, anything can happen.” It works but it’s only half the equation because those that truly reach the next level of performance. It’s the case with money too. It’s those that understand the intellectual and emotional narratives, how to balance and regulate between the two and which one is telling us the truth in the moment because we’re all hard-wired to operate 1 of 2 ways naturally. I’m naturally on the intellectual side. My wife is naturally on the emotional side. That means that we have to challenge ourselves to get our mind-body connection so that we’re seeing the other side. 

You need people who not only tell the truth but also those whose perspectives you value. Click To Tweet

We teach in school about strategy, tactics and memorization. We don’t teach people is how to think about their thinking and feelings, feel their thinking and feelings. It’s in that quadrant that success happens. With money, you say to get your mindset right but what if you grew up unbelievably poor? Anytime you spent money, you got penalized for it from your parents. “We need this for food or to keep our lights on. How could you be so irresponsible?” That’s going to be a deeply seated, shame-based emotional trigger that’s going to be preventing them from moving forward. They’ve got to get their mind right in terms of seeing, thinking and understanding it but that’s emotional processing that they’re going to have to do before they can truly be free with money. 

At times we overlooked those two. I love how you’re sharing the different quadrants because it is finding what’s the truth in this. “Are my feelings pulling me this way? Are the facts here?” I love that because when we can find that as you’ve done, I can tell you can cut through the noise, I call it. It is like, “Let’s get to the truth of this. Is this a pattern or something that I believe? It maybe is not true.” That will take us to this next part because you made me think of this is why I’ve been such a big believer of guys like yourself that are coaches, mentors and people in your life that can speak some truth, share some of their journey and their story. You still got to walk the steps, learn it yourself and include this. It sure does help to have people that you associate and spend your time with that tell you the truth like your friends did. 

We need those outside lenses. We need people who are going to tell us the truth and who not just tell us the truth but whose perspective we value. If somebody can tell you the truth but it might not be relevant or credible and it might not be a valuable opinion. That might be their truth and it may even be true but does it matter to who you are, who you’re impacting and where you’re going? Maybe or maybe not. That’s the second piece to that. I 100% agree. We have to have those people because when we seek perspective, we have to be able to get perspective outside of ourselves that we can trust and is relevant and credible. 

Somebody was asking the other day. We’re joking about this. If you’re looking to buy a home, would you go seek financial advice from somebody that’s never bought a home and never had experience? Is that the best person that you can find? Nowadays, you can find people. I’d love to pivot to this because you’ve spent time in this arena. I’d love your thoughts on what are the high performers that you’ve been around, witnessed and seen, what are they doing differently? What are some of those common characteristics? For our readers, they are successful to whatever degree that is. It ranges. What are you seeing the high performers are doing and what makes them stand out? 

I’m going to say some things that people are going to expect right out of the gate and then I’m going to take it in a slightly different direction. Without a doubt, the highest of high performers typically have clarity and conviction in who they are and the path that they’re on. Now, when I say who they are, that does not 100% mean that’s who they are at the core but they know who they are and who they’re representing at the moment with the brand and role that they need to be playing. They’ve found a way to play within their arena very effectively to be successful. They’re convicted in it and clear. There’s a high level of discipline that’s associated typically with any high performer. You can’t replace discipline because that’s how you embrace the pain to avoid suffering. You have to be disciplined to recognize in those moments. Those few moments of discomfort that you need to move through to do the difficult thing that you know what needs to happen versus what you want to do, that discipline is what’s going to help people move through that. 

BCS 47 Brian Bogert | Embrace The Pain

Embrace The Pain: Most people think they’re stuck because they have the wrong strategy or tactics in life.

 

The thing that’s interesting for me is I did a lot of research because I was the guy that burned the candle at both ends and said I was going to do everything for my family, for the benefit of them and their freedom. What that meant is that I chased the whats in the world. “What house, car, amount of money, amount of financial security, job and title?” It was the whats. Through the whats, although I was clear, convicted and disciplined, I was clear in who I was in that world and role, what I needed to do to chase the what’s. I lost who I was. I told you I went through this process of shedding when I recalibrated the who at my core, all the whats in my life became a manifestation of who versus the other way around. 

When I was able to look at that, it helped me realize that who and what are both important but it’s who before what that we need to focus on because it’s who are we? Who are we doing this for? Who are we impacting? Who are the whos that we want to run with that we know we can trust to be relevant and credible? We have to be able to have an absolute understanding of the fact that who we are is important. When I chased the what, the other thing that happened is I woke up one day and I’m running in circles with people making multiple 6, 7 and 8 figures, so many of us are miserable. I also crashed and burned multiple times because I told you I was burning the candle at both ends. 

I started doing some research on intermittent and sustained peak performance, longitudinally across military, business and in sports. Over lots of studies, what became absolutely definitive is that the singular greatest difference between the intermittent and the sustained peak performance. What I described before, things that can happen in an intermittent standpoint, not like Bill Gates who’s been doing it for years. The singular difference is that those that operate at the top of their game for sustained periods treat rest and recovery as important as their work and training. Although I gave you the answers that you expect, I truly believe if you have clarity, conviction and discipline but you don’t focus on rest and recovery, you will not be a sustained peak performer even if you get to the top of your game for a minute. 

I saw and heard that they were like, “You need a job that you don’t feel like you have to take a vacation from.” I had to pause for a minute. I’m going to say, having my bicep injury and all the surgery, I’ve found in those moments, intentional recovery and rest I had not been taking at the level I should. I thought I was doing well but interestingly, when you have these life-altering moments where I go, “Maybe I was average in that category and I didn’t even know there was another level.” One of the areas for those reading that stood out and I’ve shared this, I’ve started to take walks with my wife at night, no cell phone, no kids. We’re walking the dog. That connection for anybody that’s married brought fulfillment to me and she loves it. It’s one of those connecting points but I’m with you on this. It was Dave Meltzer that shared one time, “I started looking at how much money I spent on my health. I’m spending all this money to invest. What do I spend on myself?” I’d love your thoughts on that because we hear this all the time as these slogans get put out like, “You need a job that you don’t need a vacation from.” It could be some BS in there because if you don’t intentionally recover, is that the same? I don’t think so. 

I’m not a believer in that narrative. Now I am a believer that if you are in alignment in your life with who you are, the things that you want to accomplish through your profession. We hear a purpose thrown around all the time. It’s a big thing that I focus on with clients. I want to give clarification when I say this. A lot of people get stuck to, “I don’t know my purpose, calling and what I’m here for.” I hate to say this. I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news for everybody reading but I’m not a believer that everybody on this planet can align their purpose with their profession. If we recognize that our professions become vehicles to fulfill our purpose, in a lot of cases, both are equally meaningful but not every single person can do what I’ve done, which is I truly believe I’m living in my purpose and what I do professionally now. If you live in that space, whether you understand the reason behind what you’re doing or you truly are aligned doing what you believe you’re on this planet to do, both require rest and recovery.  

I love every minute of what I do, but I can only run so hard. Given the fact that I pour so much of my soul into other people, I can’t give what I don’t receive. I can’t pour from an empty cup. If I don’t take the time to recharge which I do on a daily basis, I have a daily practice for rest and recovery but I also have a monthly and quarterly practice for rest and recovery and every six-month one that includes family, other people and other things. I am crazy disciplined about it because I know myself and I love what I do so much that if I don’t stay disciplined on the rest and recovery, I’ll work twenty hours a day because I love what I do. 

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That’s the part people should take away. That intentionality you mentioned is if we fall in love with what we do, which I’m similar to. I love my team. We’re growing. I could spend twenty hours. Some people look and go, “How do you spend that much time?” 

It feels like five like you breezed through it. 

We’ve got to be intentional here.  

We’ll crash and burn. We absolutely will. If we want to use a basic analogy because we don’t look at this, there’s so much sleep shaming that’s out there. There’s like, “You can sleep when you’re dead. You have to get up at 4:00 AM.” Everybody’s wired differently. If you’re a night owl, be a night owl. Maximize the time that you’re awake. Don’t worry about when you’re awake or for how long you’re awake. The reality of it is we know that if you go to the gym and lift weights, you don’t build your muscle in the gym. You build muscle when you sleep. 

It’s no different for our energy, intellect, emotion, spirits or relationships. We need that constant calibration. Look at race cars and an IndyCar. They blare around the track, foot to the pedal, as fast as they can go, but they’d crash and burn if they didn’t slow down around the turns. If they didn’t go into the pit every once in a while, refresh their tires, brakes and refill on fuel, they wouldn’t be able to last the length of the race. They might be in first for seven laps. I don’t want to be in first for seven laps. I want to win the race.  

That’s where people can take what they’re doing and recognize, “I’ve learned in my life there’s always next level.” Once you reach a certain level and awareness around this, you’re aware, “Now I can improve here.” We’ll bring it full circle with some of your story about how you become who you are. I’m always fascinated by people’s stories. With your story, there was some pain early in life with some things growing up and to where you are now, you’re all in as a dad and all this stuff we see. What of your growing up do you think shaped and molded who you are? 

There’s a lot but I’m going deep on this story because this is where it’s going to come together. I want to start by saying I loved what you said earlier that sometimes we need that external reminder that we need to slow down. You talked about your bicep injury. As much as I sit here and talk about this, I’m super aware and intentional now, that wasn’t always the case. There’ve been big periods of my life where I went against what I’m telling you. I owned that when I said it to you, but the reality of that is it took three different events that knocked me on my butt over the course of my life. Three times there were external physical impacts to me that caused me to do that. If it wasn’t for those three events, I’m not sure where I’d be right now. That’s the fact because it was loud, painful and big enough that it caused me and forced me to slow down like your bicep injury. It didn’t force you. You didn’t have an option. 

I want, everybody, to close your eyes for one second. I want you to imagine going to a store having a successful shopping trip, heading out to your car, looking up at the sky, feeling the warmth of the sun on your face, the wind blowing through your hair and you got a smile on your face because you know that you’re going on with a great day. It’s a great trip and everything’s good to go. You get up to your car, getting your keys, ready to unlock your doors, turn your head and see a truck barreling 40 miles an hour right at you with no time to react. Then open your eyes. 

That’s where this portion of my story begins. My mom, my brother and I went to our local Walmart. I’ve always had excitement and vigor for life. I was the first one in the car. My mom and brother were 3 or 4 feet behind. These were the days before key fobs. I had to wait for her to catch up and unlock the door. In that few moments, there was a truck that pulled up in front of the store. Driver and middle passenger got out passenger all the way to the right and felt the truck moving backwards. He did what any one of us would do.  

He scooted over to put his foot on the brake and instead hit the gas. A combination of shock and force threw him up on the steering wheel, up on the dashboard and before you know it, he’s catapulting 40 miles an hour across the parking lot, right at us with no time to react. We’re in an end spot. I’m standing by the car, waiting for them to unlock the door. He goes up over the tree in the median, hits our car, knocks me down, runs over me diagonally, tears my spleen, leaves the tire tracks scar on my stomach and then continues on to completely sever my left arm from my body. 

My mom and brother watched the whole thing happen. They see me now laying on the ground and asphalt on a 115-degree day in Phoenix, Arizona. They look up and see my arm 10 feet away. Fortunately for me, my guardian angel also saw the whole thing happened. There was a nurse that walked out of the store right when this took place. She saw the literal life and limb scenario in front of her. I’m forever indebted to this woman for choosing to go into action versus going on with her day. She came over and stopped the bleeding at the main wound and saved my life then she instructed some innocent bystanders to run inside, grab a cooler, fill it with ice in the convenience center at the Walmart and get my arm on ice within minutes. Had she not done one or both of those things, I either would not be here with you now or I’d be here with you with a cleaned-up stump. It’s the reality. This was in 1992. Technology’s come a whole long way. 

That’s one of the first moments that started to bring perspective to my life. A lot of people are reading and weren’t expecting it to go there. I know I have a very unique story but what I’ve also realized about all my time of doing this is that every single one of us has a unique story. What’s important is that we pause become aware of the lessons we can extract from our stories and then become intentional with how do we apply them in our lives. We all have the ability to do that and tap into the collective wisdom of everyone else’s stories to shorten our own curve to learn. Two primary lessons shaped my life. We talked about one of the high levels. It’s this idea of embracing pain to avoid suffering. The embracing of pain took years to learn. This one, I learned very quickly. I learned not to get stuck by what has happened to me but instead get moved by what I can do with it. 

BCS 47 Brian Bogert | Embrace The Pain

Embrace The Pain: Schools teach strategy, tactics, and memorization. However, there are no studies about thinking and feeling.

 

I’ve heard you tell it before it but I still get chills. Mine was nothing like that. I was in sixth grade. My brother and I were leaving school. It was raining. We have an old pickup truck. We hydroplaned into a tree. As you were telling that, it reminded me my side, unfortunately, hit the tree. My hand went through the windshield, head hit so I got the scars. The same thing, I believe a guardian angel, a nurse was driving by and it’s pouring down rain. She comes over and stops me. I was going into convulsion and all these different things were happening. I don’t know why that brought up that memory.  

It triggered something for you. That’s the whole point of emotional triggers. You heard something that you related to even if it was closely or loosely related in some way. It brought you back to that moment. You proved how powerful triggers are because you haven’t thought about that in probably a long time. After hearing mine many times but something about this moment triggered you and took you back years. That’s how powerful triggers are and yet we’re blind to most of them. 

This episode has been incredible. I could jam with you for hours. I love your heart. I want to affirm what you’re doing and how you’ve impacted my life, our family and people around us. You’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to do. Selfishly, it was one of those moments where bringing you on and I’m like, “I’m going to get fed and learn,” and hopefully, our audiences as well. Where can they find you? There’s a lot more that Brian is sharing and that you can learn from him and his journey. Where can they hook up with you? 

Tapping into the collective wisdom of everyone else's stories can shorten your curve to learn. Click To Tweet

My website is BrianBogert.com. My handle for all social, which I ask you to please follow @BogertBrian. That’s pretty much on every platform. One thing I didn’t mention but is relevant now is we are on a mission through all of our entities and all of our efforts at this moment to impact a billion lives by 2045. I say that with absolute awareness that 99.99% of those billion lives will never pay us a dollar. We are very okay with that because we know those that lean into what we’re doing, those that choose to invest in themselves further with the ways that we can help them, we’ll more than substantiate the resources necessary to create that impact. 

The reason I say that is not to impress or brag. That’s not like, “We’re doing these great.” It’s to say that we put out so much content, and the reason we do that is truly to elevate and empower people. If you watch content and consume the stuff that we have, you’ll notice that I don’t have a whole lot of gimmicks in there. There’s not a whole lot of calls to action. Yes, they happen because we want you to know that we’re here for you. A lot of it is truly there for you to consume. What I ask is when you go to the website, you’ll see articles on Forbes, other publications, lots of Bogert’s Bullets and blogs. I want you to see how we live, apply our concepts in our own life and to hear some of the abstract and esoteric thought processes that we have on the ways that these happen. 

If you consume anything and it impacts you, all I’m going to ask, like, comment and share. The reason it’s a selfish plug, it’s not selfish for me. It’s selfish for the impact. It’s going to take all of us to have a collective impact to get to that billion lives. I need all the help I can get. By all means, I would put it out there for your benefit. If there’s a way we can help you more formally, let us know. If you see anything, please like, comment, and share it with someone else who can benefit because that’s how we get there together. 

You’ve talked about collective impact from the day we got introduced and I love it. You live it and everybody that’s reading would absolutely find value to go over there. That is at the heart of many people that put out great content like yourself and are sharing. We want to make an impact in other people’s lives because we believe we were put on earth to do that. Come along the journey with us, like, subscribe, leave comments, connect up or drop DMs. You have a much cooler handle than mine. This has been incredible for us. I would love, as you always do, to leave us comments and feedback. That is how we learn and grow together. Your journey, if there’s anything that’s impacted you, I’d love to read.  

BCS 47 Brian Bogert | Embrace The Pain

Embrace The Pain: If you don’t focus on rest and recovery, you will not be a sustained peak performer even if you have clarity, conviction, and discipline.

 

I do read each and every one of those. Let us know other guests we should bring on. Make sure you’re following along with Brian. He’s got some incredible stuff there. Thank you for the support. I’ll put a little plugin for the book. It has been an incredible journey, so we’ll be sharing more of it. Until the next time that you read about an episode, make sure you get out there and live your best life. It has been all about not only inspiring you and giving you some tools to win at life but hopefully, you’ve recognized at least one area that if you were to take action now, it would improve your life and those around you. Let’s do that together and make that collective impact. Brian, thank you, sir. 

It’s a pleasure to call you a friend. Thank you.  

Likewise and we are on to inspire the billion people. Let’s do this. 

Let’s do it.

See you on the next episode. 

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About Brian Bogert

BCS 47 Brian Bogert | Embrace The PainBrian Bogert is a human behavior and performance coach who teaches clients to leverage self-awareness and intentionality to become the most authentic version of themselves: who they already are. Brian helps executives, entrepreneurs, athletes, and growth-minded individuals learn this transformative approach that cultivates perspective, motivation and direction to help them align their life with their true purpose and defy their own expectations. He teaches not just to accept change, but to embrace pain in order to avoid suffering.